The Legend
by Coletta
Summary: Alucard's daytime narcolepsy was legendary. It was a long-time problem the household had come to tolerate. One-shot.


Alucard's daytime narcolepsy was legendary. It was a long-time problem the household had come to tolerate.

At any given moment, the vampire might be found asleep on the stairwell, under the butcher block in the kitchen, in a bathtub. He fell from the rafters in the library once, having fallen asleep in the beams in the ceiling. The staff speculated that the vampire must be invisibly guarding the house from unseen, shadowy corners at night–then nodding off as the sun rose.

It was an endearing, if inconvenient quality actually.

Over the years, Integra had found him in some unusual places. Most often she left him alone. However, when his slumber obstructed the daily activates of the household, she urged Walter to rouse the vampire and guide him elsewhere. He couldn't be left sprawled across the hallway floor.

When Integra was twelve, she came upon the vampire in her own armoire. After that experience, she decided moving Alucard was a task best left to Walter.

She woke up that morning, slipped out of bed, yawning, stretching. She went to the armoire to get her bathrobe. Rubbing her eyes, she reached up and twisted the knob.

Alucard slumped forward, eyes closed.

Integra yelped, side-stepping him before he impacted.

Alucard woke up immediately, catching himself before he fell on his master or tumbled to the floor, his hands darting up to steady himself against the door frame. He blinked rapidly. Surroundings determined, he glared smugly at the window, warm sunlight filtering in, sneered as if the sunlight had rudely sought him out.

Integra drew back sharply, hugging her chest. She was self-conscious without a bra. "Out!" She didn't bother demanding an explanation, as she wasn't really at all surprised to find herself the victim of Alucard's peeping, just irritated. In the short time she had known him, he had made the most of his foul reputation. Master or soldier, none were spared from his cruel humor. She hated him and cherished him at disproportionate intervals. He inspired her wrath more than her affection. "Get out this instant!" she scolded.

Alucard shook himself and blinked sleepily, disengaging from the narrow box. His long spindly legs untangled from under his body and emerged until his boots touch the floor. He stood up, unsteadily, and lurched forward. He went a few steps. He found Integra's bed. He put his hand on it to balance himself. Then his elbow gave. His chest descended onto the mattress and it's messy covers. In trying to stand back up, he managed to slide the rest of his body onto the bed. Now comfortably supported, he was instantly back asleep, face-down.

"Out!" Integra admonished. "Out! Get out!"

Alucard didn't so much as snore a response. He _was_ _out._

"That's my bed! That was my father's bed!" Integra said firmly. "That was my grandfather's bed. You, their _foe_, don't get to sleep in a Hellsing heirloom. Go back to your treasured little box."

But the vampire was not to be moved. He remained where he was.

Integra planted her hands on her hips, carefully considering her options.

She turned around and looked at the windows. She marched over to them and pushed open the curtains fully, the room flooding with bright light that was even harsh to her own human, blue eyes. She turned around in satisfaction and watched Alucard, waiting for him to vacate.

Indeed, Alucard did stir. He grunted uncomfortably. After a minute, he squirmed.

"That's it," Integra urged sadistically. "Burn, you demon."

Alucard twisted in the blankets until he had made a cocoon. But it was a poorly constructed cocoon, leaving much of him exposed, so he continued to twist until he rolled right over the edge of the bed and onto the floor.

Excitedly, Integra went around to the edge of the bed to see if Alucard was crawling away. But instead, she found he had lodged himself halfway under her bed, his upper torso now comfortably concealed in the shadows. His legs awkwardly stuck out, his toes pointing up at the ceiling.

Not to be dissuaded, Integra grabbed his ankles and with all her strength she dragged him out from under the bed. His weight, however, far exceeded her strength, and while she managed to pull him out from under the bed, she could not get him to the door, her intended target. So she stood, panting, over her quarry.

Alucard's head was rolled to the side, eyes shut softly, his black mane spread above him, his red coat twisted. All creatures took on a slightly innocent appearance in sleep. Alucard did not look innocent in the least. He did look…peaceful. His ascot was crooked, one collar flipped up. His lips were parted.

Integra stared down at him angrily. She dropped to her knees, staring down at his slightly open mouth. She could see faint moisture on his bottom lip, where dry flesh met the inside tissue and became soft. Instead of fleshy pink, the inside of his lip was gray. A grim reminder of his undead state.

Integra pushed his jaw shut, closing his mouth, his fangs impacting against each other with a muffled, distressing "snap!"

"You're not really asleep," Integra chided. "You're just amusing yourself. Well, no more games. Up and out, you." She slapped his cheek slightly, first left then right. "Out! Out!"

Alucard remained asleep.

With a sigh, she fixed his collar and smoothed down his cravat. His disheveled clothes annoyed her for some reason. "Come on, get up." She poked his chest. "Out."

Alucard didn't respond.

Integra sat Indian-style on the floor next to the vampire, elbows on her knees, chin thoughtfully resting in her hands. "This is peculiar," she said out loud. "You really are asleep. Not even the most direct stimuli will wake you. What an odd vulnerability. No wonder your ilk hide in your coffins." She was quiet a moment, thinking. "If you already know you have this weakness…why do you linger outside your coffin so close to dawn? You are a very foolish creature." She thought some more. "But I have seen you walk about in the day time. How is it you can be so overcome with exhaustion that you fall into such deep and impenetrable a sleep so quickly?"

Alucard had no answers for her.

Integra flicked his nose. "You are an idiot. I could stake you right now, and you would be helpless to prevent it. All this time I have wondered how so great a vampire was defeated by mere humans. Now I know." She peered closer at her servant. He was making a noise. Slghtly. Ever so slightly. It wasn't a true snore; it was a faint nostril whistle. But this fact brought Integra such delight; he _breathed_. He breathed like a human, rhythmic and reliable.

Integra leapt up from the floor and scooped up a hand mirror from her dresser and placed it under Alucard's nose and held it there. No cloud of moisture appeared in the glass. Integra smiled. He may breath, but his internal temperature was no hotter than the air in the room. Perhaps this was the reason the myth had perpetrated for so long. She had watched Alucard stand in the fog and the now, and while the humans exhaled clouds of air, Alucard never did. She had always assumed, as others had before her, that he did not breath. Vampire literature had conflicting accounts on the subject, and Abraham VanHelsing's own journals concluded Alucard could be held under water for extended periods of time with no lasting harm, thus he concluded the vampire did not need oxygen. Need it or not, Integra discovered, he breathed.

And now, so close, she felt daring.

She placed her ear over his chest, listening for his heart. Vampires did not have beating hearts, and she found that this was just as true of Alucard as it was for all other vampires. But she listened for a long time, her head resting comfortably against his chest.

She frowned. Why breathe but have no heart beat? Vampires needed blood to live. Breathing provided oxygen to blood, but for oxygenated blood to have any use, there needed to be a beating heart to circulate the blood to all the organs and limbs. Of course, vampire biology was still a complete mystery, even to Hellsing, even after half a century of research on Alucard.

"You are a strange beast," Integra mused, her cheek still resting on his chest.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Some hours later, Integra woke up with a start. Her cheek was still resting on Alucard's chest.

Only now, Alucard hand was resting between her shoulder blades, his thumb stroking up and down.

Integra sat up suddenly.

Alucard was looking up at Integra. "Hello," he greeted warmly, smiling. On arm was curled under his head like a pillow. He looked relaxed, but very much awake now.

"How did you wake up?" Integra demanded looking around and seeing it was still day time. However, the sun was no longer directly shining into the bedroom. "I tried _everything_ to wake you up!"

"I see. You exhausted yourself." The vampire sat up, his shadows gathering around him. "You humans are foolish, peculiar creatures. You should be grateful for my loyalty. If you were any other human, and I woke to find you sleeping on top of me, I would have gladly accepted the invitation to _feed_."

Integra stood up, nose in the air. "The next time I find you sleeping outside your coffin, I'll stake you and we can call it even." She stepped over Alucard and went into her private bathroom, shutting the door loudly behind her.


End file.
